June 24, 2018

Am I being paranoid? No, I am a mother

My almost five months old baby woke up with a fever. I woke my husband up and asked him to check his fever. This was the first time the little one was feeling so hot. Turned out the reading was 100.4 degrees F. I was worried. I asked my hubby to google and check if such temperature was a normal occurrence. Not having any conclusive answers from web, hubby and I were worried sick. A sleepless night awaited me. The next day we took him to the doctor and necessary check up was done. He wasn’t running any temperature at that time though.Every time I held my baby, I kept worrying if he was warm. Was he still having high temperature? Was he overdressed. Should I turn the air conditioner off? Should I give him a warm bath? And my husband tells me that I have become conscious of this all of a sudden and am being paranoid. Paranoid?

This little miracle of God lived inside me for nine months. I felt his every move, every kick and every hiccup. For nine months I prayed for his well being and safe arrival. The days he wasnt very active, I was worried thinking is he okay? Why isn’t he moving? Should I call my doctor? I read every necessary article regarding the well being of the baby and the mother. I have shed tears everytime we went for an ultrasound and I heard his heart beat. I have dreamt of his arrival day in and out. And today when he is here, and feeling unwell how can I not be concerned? This little bundle of goodness is a part of me.

The night that he caught his first cold, I did not sleep. I kept watching him breathe all night long. The night he suffered from severe gas, I held him in my arms and he slept there for the whole night. The day he scratched his face with his long nails, I felt so guilty that I didn’t cut them in time. I then realised that I am also learning with my little one. I or no one is imbibed with knowledge of motherhood but we must learn through our and others’ experiences.

So with a bated breath I ask myself – Am I being paranoid? The unequivocal resounding reply to this – No, I am a mother!

0 thoughts on “Am I being paranoid? No, I am a mother

  1. mukund always told me, now you’re hypochondriac. well he doesn’t feel the guilt I have everytime I think I made a wrong decision on Shriya’s care.

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