December 11, 2018

Patterns That Define A Relationship

It was 3 AM and I was fast asleep with the songs still playing on my iPod. I woke up to my phone vibrating and saw her call. To pick the call, I quietly sneaked out of the room. “I broke up with him”, she told me. And kept on crying on the call. I took some time to console her and finally when I did, we both just became  silent trying to understand these difficult relationships. Once I knew she was okay, I asked her, “Have you not heard about ‘patterns in a relationship’ ”? She wanted to ignore me and went ahead with the usual- all men are the same.

Patterns That Define A Relationship

I reassured her that I did not want to give her a lecture but wanted her to face the reality of relationships. When two people meet, sparks fly between them. Then where do these sparks fade away after a few months? That is because it is a part of the pattern. As soon as we start seeing a new person, we feel the adrenaline rush and think that we are a part of a fairy tale. We want to try different things and always compare that relationship with the previous one and trust me, we always find it better.  We find so many similarities between each other and just cannot let go of the love. Gradually when two people know each other well and get used to each other, the dissimilarities start popping up.

And there comes a time, when monotony strikes. This is the time when one of the two wants to walk out because there is nothing new left. But you pass this stage and still want to be with that person, you two are meant to be together. Life is all about patterns, but a good life is accepting and rejoicing in the similarities.

Have you noticed these patterns in your relationships?

I am taking part in The Write Tribe Problogger October 2017 Blogging Challenge

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39 thoughts on “Patterns That Define A Relationship

  1. You are right, Anchal. The first few months are dreamy and yeah, sparky. Those are long gone in my case. But as we get to know each other and learn more about each other, the similarities and dissimilarities, quirks and whatnot, it’s worth if we could stay a bored for a little while. I love familiarity though of course, where’s the spark! 😉

  2. These patterns are true for all of us. I was so lucky that I didn’t have to go through many relationships before finding my true love, and him me. I still love his companionship after all these years.

  3. Relationships do go through a pattern. To expect that the breathless spark of the initial days will last forever is rather unrealistic. Riding out the monotony cements partnerships.

  4. I have been with my partner for four and a half years now and it’s true, the relationship changes as the years pass, but to me it gets more and more exciting every day as I know we are building something awesome 🙂

  5. I agree with you. Patterns exist in every relationship but over the time with the person we love, we go against the patterns, get bored, but still in love, trying to find a new spark and repeat.

  6. Relationships are so easy in the beginning when you’re on cloud nine! There is definitely a pattern with the way relationships develop, and ultimately it comes down to wanting to put in the work to keep things fun and exciting.

  7. When I first started dating my wife, we thought that the honeymoon phase would last forever. It didn’t, but I feel that our love now is more matured. One that has weathered storms and we argued many times but still remain strong together today. Relationships evolve over time!

  8. Relationships are hard work, it is something you need to keep on working on and never give up on. It is definitely easier in the beginning when everything is new and different.

  9. Oh yeah, I’ve been married for 16 years and we go through patterns. Some years are better than others. We do try to get out on dates, but with kids it can get tricky. So we make sure we spend at least an hour in the evenings together.

  10. I have been in a lot of crappy relationships. Same type of man but different man. I would like to think with maturity on my part that patterns do not repeat themselves but like you mentioned things only come out after people get comfortable and let their guard down.

  11. I totally believe we all have patterns. It’s fun how at the beginning you are on this fun little cloud. Things change over time. I feel like then it is great, you are more relaxed and you are more connected.

  12. I agree. Every relationship goes through the phases you have described. And these patterns do form a big part of relationships in our lives. Well written.

  13. Life is all about patterns. Relationships need to be understood and accepted. The initial spark of love and excitement may not last but the enduring, everlasting love will be forever yours. I complete 30 years of married life in April 2018 and we still find that elusive spark from time to time 🙂

  14. Relationships definitely go through different seasons. There are valleys and hills and it’s great to be aware of this up front.

  15. At a personal level, I enjoy the similarities as much as differences. Relationships may have patterns but if we look at the person, there is no pattern. Yes, initial days are different when people try to get to know each other but then there is a comfort that comes after the spark. The talking without words phase 🙂

  16. Yup, yup, that’s true. True love only comes after difficulties and obstacles. But at the end of the path, we will be happy. It’s worth the effort.

  17. Every relationship needs patience, hard work from both the sides. Nothing is one way for a successful relationship. And as you said once the tough phas pass, then that’s the star of new chapter. Ups and downs make you more matured.

  18. I agree Anchal. There are patterns in relationships.One needs to survive every pattern, carry on if comfortable, break if not but you have rightly pointed out if one surpasses the low phase and still want to carry on the relationship then he/she is meant to be together with that person.

  19. I just ended what at the beginning I thought was gonna be a great relationship, I looked at our similarities but then things started to fade {on his part more than mine} and here we are done. Its hard but yes I see the patterns

  20. This is true that the dissimilarities start to show the longer you are in a relationship. I really think those can make or break a relationship. You either accept the differences or you don’t.

  21. I agree, that honeymoon stage is lovely in the beginning, but we ave to face the reality of life and responsibilities. It doesn’t fade for sure, it only needs a little break, and balance. If people doesn’t understand the pattern, they will nevwr win the game.

  22. Yep, that’s true. I know I read a lot about the stages and patterns of a new relationship when I started mine. I was really helpful to understand how things are. I thinks it is very important for people to know those tings, especially for women, because we tend to exaggerate and to become some drama queens from time to time 🙂 I know I did, and still doing it from time to time.

  23. Anchal..it felt like you wrote my story. Yes there was a time when I wanted to move out of my relationship with my boyfriend , now my husband as we followed a pattern of fighting everyday. But I am glad he was able to hold me back in his life. Relationships do have a pattern just like a phase.

  24. Unfortunately, my relationships have quickly turned into disaster so I don’t know about these relationship patterns first hand. It’s interesting to read other people’s stories. As a single person, I’ve had to put more effort into creating friendships than I might have if I were married.

  25. You are so bang on right about the patters thing in a relationship. In the relationship I share with my husband we keep on going back n forth between being friends & being husband – wife. I think that is our pattern.

  26. you are so right. the sparks fade and then is the true test of any relationship. Such a simple and enjoyable read 🙂

  27. Often the media and society hype up marriage as the goal, but it takes work. I agree some people have patterns and are impatient too. Age makes us more mature.

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